Women Don’t Make Sense
I’m going to start off this whole shebang by giving you my take on women in general.
I know, I know. Every woman is a unique creature. But women have more commonalties than they have differences. So let’s start with what I think they have in common and then we’ll move on to how they differ. (The ideas that I’m about to share with you here are from my own research, testing in the real world, and personal analysis.)
For most men, a woman is like a Chinese puzzle inside of a brain twister.
Much of their behavior makes no sense at all (to men).
If there’s one thing that I’m clear about, it’s that most women THINK differently than most men, and most women want different things than most men.
This is hard for many men to grasp or understand, but it’s true. And the sooner you get a handle on what’s going on here, the sooner you’ll become more successful with women.
Let’s start by comparing what men and women are interested in.
Have you ever stopped to think about what entertains women as a group compared to what entertains men as a group? Women buy Cosmopolitan magazines, watch soap operas, and read romance novels. Men buy Playboy, watch sports, and read the paper.
Hey, wait a minute here! What’s in those Cosmos, soaps, and romance novels? And why are women so attracted to them?
And why is it that when men try to watch a soap opera or read a romance novel all they can say is, “I don’t get it…”?
I’ll tell you why. It’s because women’s brains are wired differently from men’s brains. That’s why.
And by telling you about what attracts women’s attention, I’ve also given you a clue about how to attract them to YOU.
Where Our Desires Come From
After spending the last ten years or so studying psychology and behavior, I’ve come to the opinion that MOST of our desires, drives, preferences, strengths, weaknesses, behaviors, and personality traits are determined by our DNA and some by our social conditioning. I’m talking about both men and women here.
Even differences like whether a person prefers adventure or couch riding are largely a matter of programming from birth (If you really disagree with me on this one, read some books on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator or try the book Who Am I? by Steven Reiss.)
In any event, HOWEVER they got to be interested in these common things, most women have a few main interests, needs, desires, or whatever you want to call them when it comes to men, relationships, and romance.
Have you ever read the personals? Have you ever noticed how many women say things like “princess looking for prince”, “friends first”, and “looking for my soulmate”? Have you ever noticed how almost NO men ever say these things?
What’s going on?
Have you ever listened to a group of women talking about men? Ever notice how they speak largely in some kind of code language and constantly make a big deal out of tiny details that seem totally irrelevant?
Have you ever noticed, on the other hand, how men are direct with each other and have no interest in bickering over small things?
What’s going on?
Have you ever noticed how many women are attracted to drama?
Here’s my take on this whole subject: Women are playing out a role that hasn’t changed for thousands (or millions?) of years. These days the language and clothing are different. But it’s the same that it’s always been.
There are many parts of human brains that create drives and desires for different things. Often, these drives conflict with each other.
For instance, a woman might want a strong man in her life, but she might also want a feeling of independence. She might want to have attention, but she might also want to be seen as above needing it. (Men have these types of conflicts as well, but in different areas.)
So, for example, I hear a lot of men saying things like, “I hate all the drama that women create. Why do they create this stuff?”
My answer: Drama accomplishes a lot of things at once. It gets attention, it sends emotions through the body (emotions are highly addictive chemicals), it’s a way to be self-righteous, it’s often fun, it’s interesting and prevents boredom, it gives things meaning… and on and on. There are a lot of good reasons for drama. But most men can’t understand because drama fulfills needs that MOST MEN DON’T HAVE.
It’s like women saying, “I hate it when all a guy can talk about is sports.” What needs to sports fulfill for men? Competition, adrenaline, power, domination… all the typical guy stuff. Incidentally, stuff that fulfills needs that most women just plain don’t have.
The First Shift In Thinking
So let’s start off with this shift in thinking: Think about what the woman who you’re interested in needs and wants and don’t assume that these are the same things that YOU need and want.
And don’t assume that what women want is going to make any sense at all to you, because it probably won’t. This shift in thinking was a big one for me personally to understand. Almost none of what I do to be successful with women makes any sense to me logically, because I’m not a woman. But now that I see that what I do works over and over again, I realize that it doesn’t matter what makes sense.
All that matters is WHAT WORKS.
Let’s get a little deeper into the female heart and mind.
Females select males most of the time in nature… and in modern human courtship. And even if the man selects the woman, many if not most women still harbor the secret fantasy that they’re ‘letting him do it’, etc.
Sooooooo…. It’s good to address this issue and point out when talking to women (even if you hint at it and talk about past experiences to make the point) that you are the selector and not the selectee. This kind of thing is very powerful, as it does one of my favorite things: It points out something to the woman that she’s most likely NEVER HEARD FROM A MAN IN HER ENTIFE LIFE. I specialize in saying things that women have never heard. I also like to say things that she’s never heard that MAKE ME DIFFERENT IN A DESIRABLE WAY.
I even say to women, “I’m about to tell you something (or something about you) that no one has ever told you…” This really gets a woman on the edge of her seat and puts her into an instant state of attention (when done in a context that makes sense). And if the thing you tell them is profound enough, they’ll begin to see you as a sort of super psychic powerhouse (women are fascinated by these kinds of insights).
My personal view is that if you help people to have profound realizations, they’ll see you as a guru rather than seeing the information or themselves as powerful. It doesn’t matter from where the info came, as long as it’s something that the person has never really thought about in that way (that’s also profound to her).
One good example is to say to a hot woman who’s acting arrogant, “You don’t have me fooled for a minute, dear.”
When she says, “What are you talking about?”, you say, “Well, I know that most men fall for this ‘I’m beautiful and aloof and I get my way’ part of your personality… but I know something that none of them know… that there’s really another side of you. A side that none of THEM get to see. I’ll bet you a dollar right now that I know something about you that no one who’s only known you for 5 minutes has EVER known… … You may act tough, but you’re actually EXTREMELY sensitive on the inside. If someone makes a negative comment to you, you might act like it doesn’t bother you… but you’ll think about it all the way home… I know that secretly you’re as sensitive as a little girl… it’s just that most people never get to meet that part of you…”
This messes up a cold woman soooo hard that you have to be ready for instant personality meltdown and a completely different person to come out of her. At this point, it’s often easy to start talking about the whole pickup scene and how women play men, etc. to let her know that you’re an insider and not falling for her game. If you drop two or three more profound comments during this time, you’ll have a woman who won’t leave you alone (but keep acting like you want to be left alone so she’ll stay after you!). Nice.
It’s A Game To Them
Women often view men picking up on them as a sort of game. They talk about it with each other, they have standard lines that they learn when you ask for their number such as, “Why don’t you give me YOUR number instead and I can call you…?” and so on.
I know that some, maybe even most women go out on weekends with the mindset of “I’m never going to meet Mr. Right at a club, but it boosts my ego to have men paying attention to me by the dozens, and I like to have free drinks… and I love to dance with my girlfriends and be a tease… and I love the power of shooting men down while pretending to be annoyed by it… etc.”
Why Women Are Attracted To Things Like Fame, Money, And Power
In my opinion, women are attracted to things like fame, money, and power because they are genetically and socially programmed on an unconscious level to believe that these men are more intelligent, more fun, more interesting, more able to give them the lifestyle – and MOST IMPORTANTLY – more able to give them the FEELINGS that they want. In his book Influence, Robert Cialdini talks about a psychological principle called the ‘Halo Effect’. In a nutshell, humans naturally assume that attractive and powerful people are smarter and more trustworthy than average people.
A woman desires a man who fits into her self-image fantasies that have been forming since she was very young. And thanks to Disney these fantasies were imbedded even further than her genetic wiring ever intended.
Overall, the answer is to realize that rich, powerful, famous guys have the advantage at the beginning from their FAMILIARITY and ASSUMED, PROJECTED positive traits. But if you can learn to get a woman’s attention and then give her the FEELINGS that she’s always wanted, she’ll treat you like you’re famous, rich, and powerful as well.
A tall, handsome man, or a famous rich man ‘pushes a button’ and triggers certain feelings inside of a woman. If you’re not rich, famous, tall and/or super attractive, you have to learn to ‘install the button’ so that when they see you, they automatically have those feelings. The good news is that you can do this with most women, whereas you cannot with most men.
While women are interested in looks to some degree, they are MORE interested in how you make them feel. Even if you don’t understand this concept, you have to believe and start acting as if it’s true. You must behave as if you confidently believe that you are the best thing for a woman and that you are going to make her feel wonderful.
Women can pick up this particular belief, and they respond to it.
“How would I walk if I believed that I could make any woman feel great inside?“
“How would I talk if I believed that I could make any woman feel great inside?”
“What would the expression be on my face if I believed that I could make any woman feel great inside?”
“How would I act differently if I were the kind of man that women dreamed about?”
Then start doing these things. When you’re talking to a woman, imagine how good you’re going to make her feel. Fake it till you make it. Just do it. Women will notice.
The Dark Side Of Beauty
Underneath all of the beauty, most of these powerful women have a ‘shadow’ or dark side.
This dark side is secretly wanting a man who is in control of himself, his reality, and them.
But they’d never admit it – often not even to themselves.
But their unconscious knows and recognizes this desire as something that they want. They also hold a kind of inner CONTEMPT for the weak people (especially men) who give them everything they want, as is evidenced by the “Oh, he’s just a guy I use to buy me things and “He’s my ‘Boytoy’ kind of comments that women often make to their girlfriends.
On the topic of men giving gifts to women and buying them things: Many women will take what is available to them (even if they have to do a little manipulation for it), but they will ultimately resent and disrespect a man who gives too much to them.
As a matter of fact, to most hot women, THEIR REALITY is that men kiss up to them and give them what they ask for or demand (worst case, they have to get upset or act bitchy to get their way). AGAIN, THIS IS THEIR REALITY. Men who don’t fit this mold are often just tuned out as if they didn’t exist in order to keep this reality as pure as possible for them.
(Also, I think that many women harbor contempt for their beauty. At a shadow level, they are kept from living a real life and being closer to the real world simply because fewer and fewer people can relate to them in proportion to how ‘beautiful’ they are and make themselves. Addressing this topic when speaking to women is VERY powerful. More later.)
Men are often behaving like ass kissers because they are afraid that a woman might get upset and leave. The fact is that by acting this way, a woman is MORE likely to leave. It’s one of those paradoxes that’s a self-fulfilling prophesy. If a woman whines, a man might begin to think, “Oh, no… I need to kiss her ass or she might leave. Even though she’s being ridiculous, I have to go along with it…”
This is bad for her, for you, and for the relationship between you. Learn to never let a woman act like a Brat without you calling her on it (AND IN A COOL, ALMOST INDIFFERENT WAY!)
This is very counter-intuitive, but again, we’re dealing with female human behavior, which has roots and drives that are complex and often difficult to trace.
The solution is to NOT kiss ass or do things for them like everyone else. Be different. Expect them to pull their own weight, call them on all of their issues and messedup behaviors just like you would a guy friend or family member (Use the same “you’re my friend and I’m saying this for your benefit” tone that you’d use with a friend), tease and make fun of their insecurities in a playful way, reframe other men who kiss their ass, and put beauty in a new light (as a curse, etc., how she can never have anyone see her for who she truly is, how every man she knows would sleep with her in a minute, and how it often leads to less inner fulfillment).
The fact is that women will sleep with rich men who kiss their asses and model-handsome guys who don’t treat them well to satisfy their PHYSICAL drives.
But overall, an average looking man who takes good care of himself and makes enough money to live comfortably who is cocky, direct, challenging, confident, funny, and in control – one who challenges her constantly and never kisses her ass EVER – will be FAR more fulfilling to a beautiful woman than the other types.
This difference is not only interesting to her, but it’s also challenging as well (something she doesn’t experience often). A man who does such will not only be able to win her body, but also her interest and fascination. It will also keep her messed up behaviors more in check while allowing you to stay more in control of the situation.
***Note: If any of this stuff sounds too far out for you, I recommend that you go out to a mall and find yourself a few really beautiful women. Then ask them to read the last few pages of this book and to tell you the accuracy of this material. If you’re a doubter, you won’t believe the responses you’ll get. I’ve asked many beautiful women about these ideas and almost EVERY ONE OF THEM has told me that this line of thinking is accurate.
You’ll also notice out in the real world that some fortunate men have the looks, fame, personality, or whatever that causes women to act naturally open and receptive to them.
If you’re one of these men, then congrats to you!
If you’re not one of these men (I’m not, so I understand what it’s like) then you have to LEARN how to get inside of a woman’s mind and heart and CAUSE her to start acting this way toward you. It may take a few minutes of conversation, or even up to an hour or so… but if you learn the skills that I’m going to teach you, you can learn how to cause women to act this way toward you, too.
Remember, attraction has different roads that lead to it. Some are easy shortcuts, but some take a little longer, present more challenges, and require more skill. But there is a structure to the process and if you learn that structure, you will be more successful.
The Underlying Motives
I think that it’s important to look at the differences between men and women from an objective perspective.
Remember that just about every thought and behavior that a woman has, no matter how little sense it may make to you, has some positive intention behind it. Drama is often to get attention. Jealousy is often a way of protecting a relationship. Games are often used to make sure that a man is serious and willing to invest energy.
So as you work to become more successful with women, remember not to take things personally. Don’t get discouraged if you encounter games, drama, and things that you don’t understand. It’s all part of the game.
I believe that underneath it all, men are usually trying to find women who will give them sex, and women are usually trying to find men who will give them loyalty and commitment. This has evolved over many millions of years, and these goals contain an obvious conflict of interest.
So just realize this conflict exists, and as you learn, remember to take it into consideration.
And, of course, don’t take any of it personally. Men have been dealing with all of these same issues for a long, long time.
Extract from Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo
My opinion ? (4/5)
A classic ! A good ebook ! A must read !
You can download it here if you’re interested.
NB : vous pouvez facilement trouver ce produit en français sur Internet…