A hundred years ago Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychology, said that there was one question that he couldn’t answer: “What do women want?” My opinion is that old Sigmund was asking the wrong question. He was thinking about the situation all wrong. The question isn’t “What do women want?”, but “What do women RESPOND to?”
Everyone knows that if you ask a woman “What do you want in a guy?” she’ll answer with something like, “I want a NICE guy who comes from a good family… honest, stable, dependable… etc.” Right? But we also know that a lot of really attractive women on this planet seem to be found with guys who are exactly the opposite. Let’s look at some of the top models of all time. Why is it that all the super-models seem to date violent, drugaddicted, unstable, wild rock stars? And why is it that every attractive woman that has ever been interviewed in history has admitted to being attracted to “bad boys”? I think you get the picture.
My point is that there’s a HUGE difference between what women say they want and what women are attracted to. Women have many conflicting drives going on inside. And in many cases women RESPOND to completely illogical things – which are often very different than what they say that they “want”. The question that I am going to attempt to solve in this book is, “How can I make women feel this attraction that they feel for ‘bad boys’ without having to be an abusive jerk?”
When I first started studying this particular area, I was really fascinated with this concept of women liking jerks but not “nice” guys. It has always struck me as very interesting… even from a young age. When I was younger, I never had any success with girls.
In middle school and high school, I wasn’t one of the kids that got notes from girls. I didn’t socialize with girls at the dances. And I never had a girlfriend (I know… boo-hoo for me).
I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 18. I always just kind of assumed that I wasn’t attractive to women and just silently worshipped them from afar. I’ll tell you, back then I would have done ANYTHING to have a girlfriend. But the more years that went by without one, the less likely it seemed.
In any event, I met a girl when I was 18…
She was unstable and came from the most bizarre, dysfunctional alcoholic family… and was just the co-dependent, needs-a-guy-to-“save”-her project that I thought I wanted.
Well, over the next 8 or 9 years I had about 5 or 6 girlfriends. They were mostly great women, but I now realize that I got into relationships with them because I DIDN’T THINK THAT I HAD ANY OTHER OPTIONS.
Whenever I was single, I always had a very lonely, insecure feeling that created desperation to find a woman who would be with me. Then, when I found one, I would cling to them instantly, hoping that they would love me.
About 5 years ago, I had just moved to Southern California to be closer to the company for which I worked. Shortly after moving, I quit that job, and I broke up with my long-distance girlfriend.
So here I was, in my late 20’s, in a new place with no friends and no girlfriend… with that same lonely, unsure feeling that I always got when I was single.
I made the decision that it was time to get this part of my life handled. I wanted to figure out how to be successful with women and dating so that I wouldn’t be so insecure anymore.
I didn’t like the idea that I could be out in public, see a woman that I’d like to meet, but have no idea what to do to meet her. I didn’t like the idea that I had to feel fortunate when a woman liked me… but that I had no control over which women liked me and when I could approach them.
So, being the kind of guy I am, I decided to do something about it once and for all.
I made a commitment to myself that I was going to do whatever it took to get this handled. I started reading books, going to seminars, listening to tapes, and searching the Internet for ideas.
At first, I was excited because there seemed to be quite a bit of good books available on the topic. But the more techniques I tried, the more I began to realize that none of the methods being sold out there were quite as good as the authors claimed.
After literally a couple of years of trying different things, I finally shifted course. I started watching what guys who were successful with women did in real-world situations, and I started asking them for help. This is when things all started to happen for me.
One friend showed me how he met women at bars, another showed me how he met women online, another showed me how he met women at dance clubs, and another showed me how he approached women on the street.
From this combination of watching guys who were successful with women and testing new ideas online, I realized a few key things:
1) The things that came “natural” to me, like being “nice” to women, kissing up to them, buying them things, and doing all the things that “mommy taught me” didn’t work the way they “should have”. Women didn’t respond to kind, giving, ass-kissing behavior by giving me attention and approval. They responded to it by running the other way.
2) Attraction Isn’t A Choice – but most men act as if it is. If a woman doesn’t feel it, then it’s going to be VERY hard to make any progress beyond, “I only like you as a friend.”
3) Attraction works very differently for women than it does for men. Men are attracted to looks first, personality second. Women are attracted to personality first, looks second. (I know that a woman will see you before getting to know you, so you’ll be JUDGED on your looks, but as far as attraction is concerned, personality is more important.)
4) Men see all physically attractive women as potential sex partners, but women don’t see all physically attractive men this way. A woman has to find out a bit about you first – namely, whether or not you’re a Wussy. Then she’ll decide if you’re either “friendship material” or “possible romantic material.”
I’ve found that most books written on the topic of dating and relationships are only half-right. They only tell you what women are “supposed” to be attracted to according to the unwritten rules of society. The problem with these books is that they don’t actually address the subject of attraction!
I’ve found that when it comes to dating and romance, a woman’s STRONGEST desire is to be with a man that she feels a strong emotional attraction for… a man that fits her genetic, archetypal lock… the Yang in her Yin.
My belief is that attraction is so powerful that a man who is not physically attractive, who doesn’t have money, who isn’t tall, etc. can win the affections of a woman over a man who does have these things, but doesn’t have the personality and qualities that are naturally and genetically attractive to women.
I don’t think that most guys understand that a woman can want to be around them “just for them”… in other words, that she’ll want to be with him, spend time with him, enjoy having sex with him, etc. Most guys are also surprised that a woman will actually do the pursuing if the situation is desirable for her.
I wrote this book to get you over the idea that kissing up to a woman, giving away your power, accepting her manipulative behavior, buying her things, pursuing her, acting apologetic, and all the other traditional ideas aren’t the answer.
The answer lies in learning how to make a woman feel ATTRACTION…
When you can create that emotion inside of a woman, she’ll want you just because she loves how she feels when she’s with you.
Just as importantly, she’ll want you because she DOESN’T like how she feels when she’s NOT around you.
Seducing Women Feels Manipulative
The “pick up chicks” books and ideas I tried when I was starting out learning how to be successful with women didn’t work very well, and often just felt wrong.
Compared with many of these other things, my stuff “feels right”. I show guys how to get in touch with their inner attractiveness, how to be smooth and be a gentleman instead of being sneaky and being a jerk.
I’m not a relationship expert… I prefer to focus on first meeting to the first several dates. I feel that’s an area that most guys find the toughest to figure out.
I don’t have any hang-ups or negative moralistic views of sex… I think that safe sex is a beautiful and healthy thing. I’m loyal when I have a girlfriend, but I see nothing wrong with dating whoever I want when I’m single.
It’s a challenge to help a person who “doesn’t get it” in a certain area of life to get to a place where they do “get it”. It’s a challenge that not many people undertake. Many people will just explain some techniques or maybe only a principle. But to take a person who doesn’t have a real frame of reference for something, like success with women, and get them to where they’re willing to accept a completely new way of looking at things is never easy.
For instance, I’ve realized that teasing and playing hard to get with a woman often gives her what she REALLY wants – it’s often what will make her feel a REAL gut-level attraction for a man. It’s not an easy theory to get someone to understand, considering that common sense tells you that this behavior is rude and not socially acceptable. Are you with me on this?
Beyond that, to get someone to overcome genetically wired and socially programmed beliefs, drives, and ideas long enough to actually try new things… and to stick with them until they get good at them… is a real undertaking.
I believe in what I’m teaching, because it took me years of trial and error to figure this stuff out and because I’ve seen it work for so many guys. It’s been proven that the ones who apply themselves get results. My challenge in this book and with my other products is to help other guys achieve more success in this aspect of their life.
There is a lot of power in deciding that you will do “WHATEVER IT TAKES” to achieve your goals, and I really hope that you make the commitment to yourself to get this area of your life handled for good.
Take a minute right now and commit to yourself. Commit to doing whatever it takes to get this part of your life sorted. The more committed you are to YOURSELF, the faster you’ll improve, and the more likely you are to experience the success that you really want.
Now, let’s get to it!
Extract from Attraction Isn’t A Choice by David DeAngelo
My opinion ? (5/5)
A classic ! A good ebook ! A must read ! One of the ebooks that helped me the most…
You can download it here if you’re interested.
NB : vous pouvez facilement trouver ce produit en français sur Internet…